Understanding Sexual Orientation

Your sexual orientation is an essential component of who you are. It's a part of your personality. It determines who you are romantically and sexually attracted to.

Heterosexuals are attracted to partners of the opposite sex, homosexuals are attracted to partners of the same sex and bisexuals are attracted to either sex. Everyday terms you may have heard are "straights" for heterosexuals, "gays" for male homosexuals and "lesbians" for female homosexuals.

WHAT DETERMINES SEXUAL ORIENTATION?

We know very little about how an individual's sexual orientation develops. Whether a person is homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual usually is established before puberty and before he or she begins having sex. Sexual orientation may even be established before birth, like whether a person is born a male or a female.

While we don't know what determines sexual orientation, we do know that people do not necessarily maintain the same orientation throughout their lives. Some people are consistently attracted to people of the same sex for a long time and then fall in love with a person of the opposite sex. Others who have had only opposite-sex relationships may later fall in love with a same-sex partner.

Just as a person cannot force himself or herself to "fall in love" with a particular person, such changes are not a matter of "choice." Just like heterosexuals, homosexual males and females often fall in love and form lasting, loving, caring and committed relationships. When it comes to sexual activities, the only major difference between homosexuals and heterosexuals is that homosexuals don't engage in penile-vaginal intercourse with a member of the opposite sex. All other sexual feelings and activities can occur.

Girls and boys often experiment in sex play with friends of either gender during their preadolescent and early adolescent years. They may also have "sexy" dreams about either sex. Such experiences should not be interpreted as proof of any particular long-term, adult sexual orientation.

Thinking of a person's sexual orientation as falling somewhere along a continuum or line can help us understand what's going on. People who are exclusively heterosexual are at one end, while people who are exclusively homosexual are at the other. Most people are not at either extreme, however. They are toward the heterosexual end, but not at the very end.

Since a person's sexual orientation is not a matter of choice and its origin remains a mystery, we are well-advised to simply accept and respect both ourselves and others regardless of sexual orientation. While this may be difficult if you believe that homosexuality is "wrong," remember that treating someone with respect doesn't mean you have to accept everything he or she does. No one deserves to be rejected because of who or how they are. No one deserves to be rejected because of sexual orientation.

HOMOPHOBIA

Many people have an irrational fear of homosexuality. This fear, which is called homophobia, results in a dislike or even hatred of homosexuals. Such people are prejudiced and often are hostile toward lesbians and gays.

The causes of homophobia are as unclear and complex as the causes of other prejudices such as racism and sexism. We do know some of the characteristics of those with anti-homosexual views, however. In general, they think they do not personally know any homosexuals, have peers who display negative attitudes toward homosexuals, are less educated and have rigid ideas about appropriate roles for women and men. People who possess these traits are often vocal in their opposition to homosexuals as a way of announcing to the world that they are definitely heterosexual and that they expect everyone around them to be straight as well.

One of the reasons homophobia is so common is that a large majority of people do not believe that any of their friends or acquaintances are homosexual. As a result, their opinions about homosexuals are often based on stereotypes and myths. They haven't learned the facts about homosexuality. They don't realize that most homosexuals don't fit the stereotypes. They also don't realize that the odds are fairly high that someone they know is lesbian or gay.

Interestingly, some homosexuals themselves are homophobic. Their hatred often is directed toward gays and lesbians that match the negative stereotypes.

MYTHS ABOUT HOMOSEXUALS

It is a myth that gays necessarily display feminine qualities and that lesbians necessarily display masculine ones. In fact, the term homosexual designates one's choice of sex partner, not general masculinity or femininity.

It is a myth that homosexuals are likely to be child molesters. In fact, 95 percent of all reported cases of child sexual abuse are committed by heterosexual men.

It is a myth that AIDS is a homosexual disease. In fact, heterosexual transmission of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, is more common than homosexual transmission in Africa. In addition, heterosexual transmission is increasing more rapidly than homosexual transmission in the United States.

It is a myth that homosexuality is a mental illness. In fact, the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its list of disorders in 1973.

It is a myth that all homosexuals are promiscuous (have many sex partners). In fact, many homosexuals are involved in long-term relationships with a single partner. Like heterosexuals, some homosexuals are promiscuous while others are not.

It is a myth that homosexuality is somehow "catching" and that a child can catch it from a teacher or other adult. In fact, there is absolutely no evidence that being around homosexuals has any effect on one's own sexual orientation.

INTEGRITY AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION

Learning the facts about sexual orientation is the first step toward acting with sexual integrity. Resolving not to harm or ridicule others because of their sexual orientation is the second. While sexual orientation is important because it determines a person's choice of partner, it's only a small part of the total person. It is only one of many factors that influence his or her personality.

Regardless of sexual orientation, everyone deserves to be respected and treated fairly. Regardless of sexual orientation, everyone has an obligation to respect others and treat them fairly.

AUTHOR: Gary L. Hansen, Ph.D., Extension Specialist in Sociology, Cooperative Extension Service, University of Kentucky; and William W. Mallory, Fayette County Extension Agent for 4-H/Youth Development, Cooperative Extension Service, University of Kentucky.