When Disaster Hits:
A Few Tips to Help Children Understand

When disaster hits - helping children understand what has happened and how to cope with it is not easy. Parents, caregivers, teachers, relatives - anyone who is close to children and wants to help may find themselves with as many questions as children have about the event. Here are a few tips.

1. Know the child.Children and youth of different ages and developmental stages understand their worlds differently. Explanations to them will vary in the depth and intensity. Very young children (2 years and younger) are usually too young to grasp what is going on. However, they can be very sensitive to the emotions of those around them. Preschool age children may ask questions from what they hear or see around them. School age children will be more likely to have an understanding of the events, but lack depth on what it means, or how it affects people. This is a good age to ask children what they know or understand, and start conversations from there.

2. Listen to the child. When we are patient and listen carefully, we can more fully understand how children are feeling, what they are understanding, what they need, and what they need to know. Though children's behavior and ways of understanding follow certain developmental stages, each child is unique - the ways that a child acts emotionally, cognitively, and socially won't be exactly the same as other children her age (just as she may be taller or shorter, heavier or thinner than others her age). By taking a little more time with children during tough times, we give them a chance to tell us what they need whether they put it in words, or not.

3. Help children feel secure. When the world suddenly feels different, children need to feel safe and secure - they need to know that things will be all right. Parents and those closest to children can do a lot to remind them that they are loved and that they will do whatever is necessary to protect the children. The expression of security can vary depending upon the age and the needs of the child. For example, for some children who are not deeply affected by a disaster, the maintenance of routine and a nice hug can help children feel safe. For other children who seem more upset, caregivers may need to encourage more expression of feelings from the child - either verbally, or through art projects, and provide more constant reminders of support.

4. Avoid unnecessary exposure to the events of the situation. Children do not need to see pictures and get very specific, tragic details of events. This can cause fear and anxiety. At young ages, children may heighten the meanings in their minds of such pictures or information, and can believe that it will directly affect them. Turn off the TV, and monitor adult discussions of tragic events to keep children guarded from overexposure to the details.

5. Be clear and open when talking about what happened. Though this doesn't mean to go into more detail than children want or need, it does mean to be approachable and be honest with children about the events. Events can be presented calmly and firmly so that, especially older children, develop an understanding. It lets them know that they have a good, reasonable source of information when they want it. This provides a sense of security for children. It also gives them an alternate to more graphic and detailed sources (like the media) and less accurate sources (like other children).

6. Help children find a way to help. It is very important that children, like all people, feel empowered to make a difference in their worlds. Even when disaster happens, doing something to find a solution, or aid in the recovery, can help children feel a part of the situation, feel a part of the process of change and avoid feeling vulnerable and like a victim to greater powers around them. It can also help them develop a sense of empathy, or understanding and appreciating the feelings of others. Examples of help include simple expressions of condolence - a letter to a child who has suffered from the disaster, collecting money to contribute to a disaster benefit, and participation in community services projects. Teachers, religious leaders, youth group professionals and others in the community may have suggestions.

For other resources for talking with children, and helping children who are seriously affected by disastrous events, see the Maryland Cooperative Extension's web site of disaster recovery information at www.agnr.umd.edu/recover.html, or contact your county Cooperative Extension office for help in finding local assistance.